Many people ask, "Isn't the abstinence period a negative?"
Believe it or not, that is the one thing that keeps the love alive not only today but 20 years from now. Have you ever given up candy for lent? Boy, after 40 days without chocolate, that first bite of chocolate on Easter Sunday is almost “orgasmic”. Well, in NFP, we say that you get a candy bar every month, if you know what I mean. When you can’t have something, it makes you want and appreciate it even more. So after being away from each other that short time, you can’t wait to make love with each other. You can have a candle light dinner or go out on a special date and know that tonight’s the night. It keeps that love alive month after month and year after year.
We encourage the couples to have a holistic approach to sexuality. Our sexuality is multi-dimensional - it is spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative and emotional. That acronym spells SPICE. We recommend that you make a SPICE list for each other of ways that you can show your love for each other during times of abstinence. Such as, leaving love notes, cooking special meals for each other, bringing home flowers, praying together, etc. So, that when you come back together it’s just like icing on a cake.
We find that this makes the reunion of the couple after the period of abstinence like a honeymoon each cycle. You both are excited about making love again and you both want to be there. You can go out on a special date or have a candle light dinner and make coming back together very special.
That is important after a few years of marriage when sex can become ho-hum. I think we all want making love with our spouse to be something we look forward to after 10, 15, 20 years of marriage. NFP helps keep that love alive.
Because a couple can communicate openly about this very intimate sign of fertility, the communication spills over into the rest of your relationship. I always say that when you can talk about your mucus, you can talk about anything. You will be amazed at the conversations that you will have using NFP. Like, “how was your mucus today, honey?” It opens up a whole new world to you. When you can talk about the intimate signs of your fertility, you can talk about anything.
Several years ago there was an article in the Wall Street Journal of all places. In that article, they quoted a 50 percent divorce rate in the world today and a 1 to 3 percent divorce rate among NFP users. To me, that’s the difference between NFP and other methods.
By getting married in the Catholic Church, you have a great opportunity to really make your marriage special. It does not matter what you have done up until now. You can turn the page and start anew. Through the Church, your marriage will become a Sacrament. And, your love making will become a Sacred Act. I think we all want our marriage to be special and our love making to be special throughout our married life.
Abstinence